Dinosaur Adventure 3D
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Well, it’s 2020, and episode 69! (He chuckles a bit) Do you know what that means? (He chuckles some more before getting serious) Nothing, you dirty-minded assholes! So, what are we reviewing today? (The text "Dinosaur Adventure 3D" pops up below the G-man) Fuck yes! (The main theme starts as clips of the game begin to play) G-man (V.O): Hot damn, this was my childhood! This game was released back in 1999 for Windows, and was made by Knowledge Adventure. Whom of which were also responsible for another game series from my childhood; JumpStart. If you have a copy of this game today, chances are it won’t work on modern computers. Hence why I’m playing this game on my older PC. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: My fans, my dear fans, welcome to Dinosaur Adventure 3D! (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) If you were waiting for a Jurassic Park joke, there it was. (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): The game takes place on Paleo Island where a Tyrannosaurus Rex is wrecking havoc on the other dinosaurs. During the rampage, nine dinosaur eggs were left behind and scattered across the island. And its up to the player and a Parasaurolophus named Rolf to- (Cut to an image of Rolf from Ed Edd n Eddy) Wow, that was fast. (Cut back to the game) To travel throughout the island, we get the help from Rolf’s friend, Pterrance the Pteranodon. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Was the extra P really necessary in Pterrance’s name? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Along with the eggs, we have to find things called "Hatching Crystals" so the eggs will hatch quickly. Well, we have nine eggs to find, and many Hatching Crystals to collect. Let’s begin! To get Hatching Crystals, we play minigames throughout the island. First up, its Galloping Gallimimuses. Here, you run away from some Gallimimuses pursued by the T-Rex using the mouse guide Rolf, and click to jump. I remember playing this one the most out of all of them. The one complaint that I have is that you have to jump when you get to the end, and if you don’t, you have to start all over. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: That’s like if I was in the middle of a review, and if I messed up one line, I’d have to start over! That’s not challenging, its just annoying as fuck! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Also, Rolf as this crystal that shows 3D-animated clips of dinosaurs. If you click on a dinosaur in the game, he’ll pull it out and tell us about it. It’s never explained as to exactly what it is, nor how it works. All he says is that he found it in the volcano in the center of the island. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And that’s another… (Text pops up reading…) Item of uninterest! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The next minigame is Connect-a-Cave. This is where you build a map for Rolf to follow so you can reach a friend. The best part about it is Rolf going through the map. Each part has a unique animation when Rolf enters and exits. There are also multiple dangers that Rolf can react to such as quicksand, a frozen pond, and a volcano. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Sadly, they didn’t get to use all of the intended ideas for Connect-a-Cave. There was falling stalagmites, toxic gas, acid river, and probably the most dangerous of all: Extinction (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Up next is Triassic Tar Pits. Here, we have to save a baby Saurolophus who is stranded on one of three islands in a sea of tar. If you fall in, like I did many times, you have to start all the way back at the beginning. (He falls in) Damnit! (He falls in again) Damnit! (He falls in once again) Ugh! Fuck this minigame! (Cut to Scrambled Eggs) Up next is a game called Scrambled Eggs. (Cut to a stock photo of a plate of scrambled eggs, and then back to the G-man) G-man: Okay, who wrote that joke? Pivot (From offscreen): I thought it stooped low enough! G-man (Under his breath): Pivot, you dumbass… (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O aloud): Anyway, Scrambled Eggs: This works similar to Mah-jong, but with dinosaur eggs instead of simple tiles. Not much to say about this one, so let’s move on. (Cut to Bone Builder) Up next; Bone Builder. The T-Rex’s stomping jumbled up a dinosaur fossil site, and its our job to put it back together. Again, not much to say. (Cut to Predator) But this last game, however, can go to hell! Predator is about using pebbles to make a trail for a Brachiosaurus to follow. If you run out of pebbles, which will happen too often, you start all the way back at the beginning. Sure, you can find more pebbles in the maze, but you can’t see the damn maze! Who thought this was a good idea?! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And, at last, we come to the thrilling conclusion. How does it play out? (Cut back to the game. The T-Rex reaches the top of the volcano just as it erupts. Blowing it away) Rolf: And so, things returned to normal on Paleo island. We had a bit of a lava problem for a while, but hey! We dinos are pretty adaptable! You know, we did survive for 150 million years before you mammals took over. And as for "His Royal Attitude", Mr. T-Rex, I heard he ended up someplace where he could finally make himself useful! Oh well. That’s what I heard. (It’s revealed that the T-Rex is now a makeshift bridge with his teeth removed. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Honestly, that’s a pretty good ending! And with that, that was Dinosaur Adventure 3D! I personally enjoyed this game, and I think you will, too! Well, I am the G-man, that’s all you need to know about that, and stay tuned! A brand-new year of the G-man is on the way! Peace! Category:Episode